2(0) thoughts
"I think that, generally, most of us have a total of about 20 thoughts. And we just scroll through those thoughts, over and over again, in varying order, all day every day."
That's a quote from my new favourite author, Kristin Newman. She wrote a memoir called What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding, and I can't recommend it highly enough. It's funny, sexy, and so well written, I kept jotting down little nuggets of witty or clever things she said while reading it.
It's also thought-provoking. And the above quote is something I haven't been able to stop thinking about for the last few days.
Because seriously, isn't that so true? We do think about the same stuff all the damn time. It's like having the same song stuck in your head, unable to get it out, and replaying it over and over and over.
It reminds me of that famous quote about the definition of Insanity:
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
I have some thoughts right now that are on repeat and that I would really like to exchange for something fresh and less annoying.
But how? That's the big question.
To get an idea how to go about it, I've dug through my memory and remembered two thoughts that dominated my mind for decades, and how I successfully got rid of them:
1. I'm fat/I need to lose weight.
Sadly, that was my mantra from approximately the age 14 to 30ish. It would be my last thought going to bed, and my first one upon waking up. Fun variations included berating myself for all the things I shouldn't have eaten (my version of counting sheep before falling asleep), and making a list of all the things I wasn't allowed to eat that day (I've always been a list person).
It was horrible, and boring, and a sure-fire way to take the fun out of life. The other side-effect was that whatever food I forbade myself to eat, would suddenly become my all-encompassing obsession. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it, and I always, always gave up in the end and eat a grotesque amount of the "forbidden" food.
How did I get rid of that thought?
The bad news is: It was a slow process. The good news: Finding a new hobby sped the process up considerably! I guess that's part of the secret: To get yourself out of a rut, physically and mentally, you have to try new stuff, meet people with different perspectives, and do something new and unexpected to give your life - and thoughts - a good shake.
2. So-and-so doesn't like me.
Torturing myself with who might not like me has been a faithful companion for most of my life. It started out early, when I was still a child, and stayed with me until quite recently.
That thought would expand into "why did I say that?", " I shouldn't have said that", "I'm a horrible person", and the classic, "nobody likes me". Nothing like a sweeping generalization to make oneself feel like shit.
How did I get rid of that thought?
It was a two-fold process: First, I realized at some point that not a single person in this world is liked by all.
"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." ~ Dita Von Teese
Second, by hanging out with a lot of people a lot older than me a lot of the time, I learnt an important lesson: Being liked by all is a stupid goal. What's much more important is this:
You have to like yourself.
Be kind, try not to be an asshole, and live your life in a way that you can look at yourself in the mirror, and like what you see. That's much more important than chasing the approval of others.
I may not know yet exactly how to change some of the annoying thoughts in my head, but I know one thing: I've done it before, and I can do it again.
And so can you.
Here's to fresh new thoughts for the fresh new week!
xoxo Miriam
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Vol. 9