Ask for it
What do you do if you want something? You ask for it. That's what we teach our children right from the beginning. I was taught the same lesson, and I'm sure there was a time when I followed that concept.
But sometime along the way, after being denied what I asked for a few too many times, I became more hesitant to ask at all. Being told no is painful and disappointing, particularly when what you asked for is something you really want.
But here is the thing: not asking means automatically no. You are taking a chance away from yourself without even trying, which is the same as giving up, and how sad is that?
However, it's hard. I hate asking people for favours, because I still fear they may say no and I'll feel stupid. Don't ask me why someone saying no to me makes me feels that way, I can't explain it - I just know that my immediate response is being convinced that something's wrong with me.
A week ago I interviewed for a job. Not the new one I'm working now, but yet another one. (I applied for two different jobs at the same time, because it's either feast or famine in life.)
It was what they call a "competency-based" interview, and having interviewed with that particular site twice before I was fairly competent I knew what to expect.
I was right: many of the questions were familiar. I've been an x-ray tech for over 8 years, and I consider myself competent at my job, with a true passion for it. I thought I had done fairly well and had a real shot at it.
So imagine my dismay when I saw not two hours later that the job had been given to somebody else: a tech with less seniority and less experience than me.
I was disappointed, but also mystified: what had I done wrong?
And then I did something that required great courage: I emailed the supervisor and asked him if he would mind going over my interview with me. My heart was pounding wildly as I hit send and the butterflies were dancing a tango in my stomach, but I needed to know.
He replied back right away, agreeing to it, and a couple of days later we had our conversation. I was pretty nervous, because I was about to face one of my biggest fears: have someone tell me what I did wrong.
To my immense relief, the supervisor was kind and patient. We went over all my answers, he was careful to point out everything I had done well, and then he gently explained to me what I had missed. You know what? Without that talk, I would have failed many more interviews. He explained what they're looking for, what is expected in a competency-based interview, and how to structure your answers to not forget a step.
I was almost there, but not quite - and without him, I would never get there.
This phone call reminded me of two powerful facts:
1. We can't do it alone. We all need help along the way, and if we don't ask for it, we won't get it. After all, how is the other person expected to know that we may need a helping hand?
2. Most people are kind. I'm constantly in awe how far a smile and kind word can go. As much as I fear people saying no, most don't, and the payoff you get for asking for help is huge.
What would have been the worst that could have happened to me when I asked the supervisor for help? Him saying no. It would have smarted a little, but I would have gotten over it quickly.
But he didn't, and the whole experience was really positive and highly beneficial for future interviews.
So here is my reminder for you:
Ask the question.
Ask for help.
Ask if something doesn't make sense to you.
Find your voice, and don't stay silent.
I wrote a post about talking to people as an introvert (you can read it here), and how that simple step has helped me settle in quickly into a new environment.
Read it, and if you find it helpful, feel free to share!
Much love to you all,
Miriam
Now I'm asking for your help: If any of you have read my book and liked it, would you consider leaving a review on Amazon? It doesn't have to be long, a sentence or two are more than enough. It helps others to find the book, and tells Amazon (and future publishers) that people like reading what I have to say.
Thank you to any of you who will help me out!!
Vol. 55