Book #2!!!
Hi dear people!!
It's been a while since I popped into your inbox, and for that I apologize. But I have a good reason for it ...
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(drum roll) ...
TA-DAA!!!!!!
Yes, I wrote a new book!
A lot has been going on with my feelings around this new book, around book writing in general, and with figuring out what my priorities are in life. It's been a confusing, yet important time, and only now do I feel clear(ish) enough about it all to be in any shape to share it with you, because before my brain made absolutely no sense.
Ready? You better grab a drink and settle in comfortably, this could be long!
Okay. A year ago I published my memoir Let's Pretend This is Normal. It has been, hands down, the biggest dream of my life to write and publish a book. A huge part (very huge, if I'm being honest) of us moving to a new place almost 3 years ago was that I truly believed that a new home in a new town would provide me with a fresh start in life. I was very happy before we moved, but I thought I was supposed to do more with my life.
I had a job I liked, sure, but shouldn't I strive for making my wildest dreams become a reality? If I loved writing, surely that meant that I should do anything in my power to try to turn my passion into a career, right?
It didn't help that I pinned motivational quotes faster than the "influencers" could write them, that I fervently read every story I could find about a broke, almost-starving writer who turned into an overnight success (always hoping this might be me), and that I would read sections of The Secret every few months to keep my manifesting powers alive and kicking.
I wrote the book. I published it. It wasn't quite the Cinderella-story of my dreams (I wasn't "discovered" and swept up by a major publishing house), but I was still proud and excited and happy with my progress.
When my marketing manager (I had a marketing manager!) told me that promoting the book was more important than writing it in terms of making it a success, I tried my hardest to promote it.
But I felt incredibly self-conscious talking about my book. I'm quite introverted and awkward in real life, and talking about my work makes me supremely uncomfortable. I'm seriously bad at it, too. I'm okay writing about stuff because I have time to think about it, which is why texting and emails are such a gift for people like me. But talking face to face, having to think on your feet? That's a skill that I still struggle with.
The people in my real life were incredibly kind and generous. I don't think I ever managed to adequately thank them and let them know how much their support meant to me, because as I just explained, talking is hard.
I felt guilty and overwhelmed and stressed out.
On top of it, I was still reeling from my husband's illness, I was battling a pretty severe bout of depression caused by it all, and there was some other life stuff in the mix that gave me anxiety. So I did something crazy: I ran away.
At the time, I told myself I did it for career advancement and better money. Both of those reasons are valid, but I had a lot of time to reflect and be honest with myself over the least year, and the real reason was that I needed to hide away from the world for a while. I was burnt out.
I had believed all my life that I should always want more. Be better, be stronger, be more powerful, more successful, and, obviously for a woman, be skinnier. And I was done. I couldn't do it anymore.
Seeing my biggest dream come alive should have been a highlight of my life, but instead it felt life a failure.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so I wrote about it. In the beginning, it was a mess.
I couldn't get a handle on how I felt. My head was pure chaos. I didn't know what was going on. How could the fulfillment of a life-long dream have sent me into a depression? Why did I feel so fragile, I was afraid I would shatter the next time anyone asked me anything about myself? Wasn't that what I had wanted? Why wasn't I prepared for it?
I spent more time on my own last year than I have in decades. It was healing. I journaled. I napped a lot. I often sat with my dog by the river, thinking. Or not thinking, just letting the water soothe me. I read a lot, too, and slowly, the chaos in my head unravelled and started to make sense.
I poured all of that into my book Quit the Hustle.
I finally understand that always chasing the next big thing will never make you happy. I learnt that I'm the heroine of my own life. I'm the one who gets to decide how she wants to live it, and I'm the one responsible for my own happiness.
Quit the Hustle is all about accepting ourselves for who we are. It's about freeing ourselves of the pressure of always wanting more, and to celebrate where we are in life right now, not 10 pounds or another promotion from now.
It's about not having to explain ourselves to people who don't get us. We don't have to make sense to everyone - who knew? (I didn't for way too long.)
It's about apologizing so damn much all the time.
I talk about leaving diet culture in the dust and rediscovering the joy of food. I explain why I believe that "dream jobs" are a myth. I share my discovery that monetizing your hobby can be dangerous; it can take away the joy. I also write about naps, a lot, because naps saved me last year. Sleep is the bee's knees, and exhaustion isn't a badge of honor.
Writing this book brought me back to myself. I truly hope that it will help you falling in love a bit more with the spectacular, wonderful person you already are.
Quit the Hustle will be released next month! I'm currently waiting for the proofs to see what it looks like outside of a screen. I will let you know soon when the book comes out!
Thanks so much for listening and being here. You guys are rockstars.
Group hug!
Miriam
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Vol. 66