Don't be a whiny little bitch
Dear friends,
I have a confession to make: I used to be a whiny little bitch.
I treated the world like it was out to get me, and nothing could get me riled up more than the unfairness of life.
When someone flippantly told me that "life isn't fair", I wanted to scream. It should be fair! It's not fair that it wasn't fair!
I used to watch my parents like a hawk, to make sure that they treated my sister exactly the same as me. If I thought that she received preferential treatment, I was mad.
When I started going out as a teenager, my sister wheedled and begged so long until my parents gave in and told her she could go out as well - with me. It was the height of unfairness: Not only was I not allowed to go out at her age, but now I also had to drag my little sister with me. It wasn't fair!
When I had to start working regularly in our family business at the age of 12, I was mad that I couldn't sleep in on Saturdays like my friends could. Why did I have to get up at 6 am? It wasn't fair!
When I started to get acne at age 14, I would look with envy at other girls with clear skin, bitterly berating a fate that had me suffer with the ugly, red pimples. Why me? It wasn't fair!
When I dumped my boyfriend and was then single for 2 years, I couldn't believe that I couldn't find anyone. It had never been a problem before, why now? It wasn't fair!
Even when I found the love of my life and got married, I found something to complain about. After having been happily married for over 5 years, I fell in with a crowd of girls. They were different from my previous friends: They were what I considered "cool girls". They watched all the popular TV shows. They knew what "pop culture" was. They were into make-up, and clothes, and working out, and that these "cool girls" accepted me into their ranks made me feel normal for once in my life.
For the first time in my life I got tagged in photos on Facebook doing trendy stuff: We went clubbing, had girl's nights, went to concerts, tried new fitness classes, took selfies together. I even participated in a half-marathon, and I don't run!
I secretly felt like a fraud; I pretended to be someone I was not. I berated myself for not being "normal"; I was playing an act, and it felt wrong. Why couldn't I just be like them? Why did I have to be different? It wasn't fair!
But then, finally, I had a wake-up call.
Some of the girls were getting engaged and then married, and I was invited to engagement parties, bridal showers, stagettes, and then weddings. I couldn't help but compare their countless celebrations and big weddings with my own. Our wedding was unusual, to say the least; I felt inferior.
All these girls got their big day, in their big white dresses, with their big wedding parties - why hadn't I?
The insecure side in me started to whisper the old, overused phrase once again: It wasn't fa- ; but then I stopped.
What the hell was I doing?
I was married to my soulmate. We had a wonderful marriage. I was healthy. I had a secure job. We lived in one of the safest, most beautiful countries in the world.
What did I have to complain about?
I was ashamed of myself.Why had I been such a whiny little bitch? I had no reason to!
It was like I was waking up from a long, bad dream. I was determined to change my whiny attitude.
I had read about gratitude journals, and I started to write in mine every day. The idea was simple: Write down something you are grateful for every day. I thought it would be hard on some days, and I was surprised at how easy it was. I hardly had to think about it: The words came out effortlessly. Reading back on the big and small details that were wonderful about my life, made me appreciate it in a way I never had before. My attitude started to improve drastically.
Instead of regarding something in a negative light, I turned it around to see if I could find something positive about it.
My sister going out with me: Was it really that terrible to have someone with me? To have this companion who knew me longer and better than all my friends? Nobody understood our particular brand of family crazy as she did. Having someone who knew your entire history and still loved you? That was something to be grateful for.
Having to work every Saturday: It taught me from an early age on the importance of hard work. Plus, I earned my own money, which was more satisfying (and more lucrative!) than the pocket money my friends received.
And me being different?
I wondered why I had regarded it as a disadvantage for so long. I admired other people who stood out from the crowd, who marched to the beat of their own drum - why did I think being like everybody else was so desirable?
Once I began to appreciate everything I had, instead of bemoaning what I didn't have, I started to feel rich and blessed.
I know that #blessed has almost become a joke, a way to humblebrag on social media. That's not what I want to do at all.
I have made an astonishing revelation since practicing gratitude daily, one that's too important not to share:
Once you appreciate the goodness you already have in your life, you will attract more into it.
It's as if the universe likes to give happy and grateful people more good stuff, to make them happier and more grateful. It's the opposite of a vicious cycle: It's the gift that keeps on giving.
I have learnt that our thoughts are powerful: If we look for negativity, we will find negativity.
But if we look for positivity, we will find that, too.
That's the best thing about gratitude: We don't have to wait for something extraordinary to happen. We can practice it right now, in this very moment.
It can be something as simple as being grateful for your morning coffee. That the sun is shining. For having your spouse/friend/parent/dog in your life. For a good book. For not being in pain. For having the day off. For having a job. For Netflix. For being unique. For not being like everybody else.
I'm grateful for you. For reading these little emails I have so much fun writing. For doing what I love, even if it's difficult sometimes.Thank you!
Give it a try: Write down 5 things you are grateful for today. Do it every day for a month, and see what happens - it may just change your life!
xoxo Miriam
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Vol. 19