Get in, ladies—we're building the matriarchy

The patriarchy is about to self-destruct

The patriarchy is dying. The increased political extremism, attack on women’s reproductive rights, removal of DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion), and attempted erasure of transgender people are all desperate signs of reasserting outdated gender roles. The patriarchal experiment has failed. And it’s not just failing women: it’s failing everybody.

The patriarchy is a system built on gender inequality that believes that men are born to rule and women are meant to be ruled. Men are expected to possess traits such as toughness, self-reliance, and rationality; women are expected to selflessly serve men and children, and to not question a man’s decision. Attributes seen as feminine such as emotional sensitivity or empathy are regarded as weak and useless.

It’s obvious how such a system is harming women: women are collectively excluded from political, social, and economic positions of power; they get paid less; they do the majority of unpaid labour such as housework, caring for children and elders; they are more likely to experience poverty; and they have no autonomy over their bodies.

But the patriarchy is also harming men. It teaches young boys that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, which means that they don’t learn how to process emotions such as sadness, insecurity, or anger in a healthy way. Boys are discouraged from showing too much affection, since such a behaviour is seen as “girly” or “gay”, which are inherently bad traits in a patriarchal society. This results in men having no close, deep relationships with other men where they can openly talk about their fears or ask for physical affection like a hug. Not having those close bonds with others is a lonely way to live. Plus, it puts more burden on women, since they are expected to care for men’s emotional needs. To add insult to injury, women have to anticipate what those needs are, since men never learnt how to recognize and communiate them properly.

Cue *You make me do too much labour*

But arguably the worst part about the patriarchy is how it exploits others. It’s a hierarchy where you have to kiss up and kick down, where you’re taught that everybody is competition and you can’t trust anyone. It’s interwoven with capitalism and colonialism, where the highest goal in life is to be better and richer than your friend or neighbour. A system like that urges you to hustle and grind, to keep up with the Joneses, and to never stop accumulating money and stuff.

The “male loneliness epidemic” is a direct result of endstage patriarchy. The system only works as long as women stay in their lane and cater to men’s needs. In a world where the man brings home the bacon and the woman cooks it for him, his needs are met because she needs him as much as he needs her. Theirs is a relationship built on services exchanged, because his higher status and her exclusion from power make her dependent on him financially and socially; her servitude benefits his stunted emotional growth and inability to care for himself and his children.

But with women having gained more rights, conservative men suddenly have little to offer to them. Women want a partner, not a master. We’d rather stay single than be trapped in an unequal relationship. Because unlike men, we have other women for our emotional needs; we can lean on each other, support each other, celebrate each other. Our friendships and emotional lives are rich with or without men; and we can take care of our sexual needs ourselves, thankyouverymuch.

Where does that leave men? They have been actively disouraged from close friendships with other men. Women don’t “need” them anymore. They are left with only superficial, competitive relationships with each other. No wonder they are lonely.

The patriarchy’s solution is to blame women for this, because not taking responsibility for its own actions is one of its favourite tactics.

But the truth is: a system built on oppression sooner or later crumbles under its own weight. And that’s where the matriarchy comes in.

Contrary to what some believe, a matriarchy isn’t a reversal of the power structure. It doesn’t mean that women kick men out of their thrones to do some oppressing of their own.

A matriarchy thrives on alignment, mutual support, rest, and collaboration. It is built on support, not scarcity. We know that we all benefit when we raise each other up. Working together instead of against each other means that everybody feels heard and valued.

How do we get there?
By unlearning the old programming that isn’t working. The world as we know it thrives on hustle culture, overworking, burnout, obedience, and outrage. They want us exhausted, distracted, and distrusting of each other, because exhausted people don’t rebel, and divided people present no danger to the establishment.

Feminine power is deeply intuitive. We carry ancient wisdom within ourselves, but the patriarchy told us that intuition is irrational. It isn’t. The more we listen to our gut feeling, the stronger we become. When you are in alignment, power comes to you effortlessly. You don’t have to fight for it; it will find you.

Here is how we do it:

1. Be authentically yourself. We no longer conform to the current system by keeping ourselves small and suppressing our intelligence and feminine energy. We stop seeking external validation. We no longer let them dictate how to act or look. We trust our intuition more than arbitrary rules.

2. Collaborate. The patriarchy benefits from rivalry between women, which is the reason it perpetuates the story that women don’t get along. But women are not our competition—men are. We can only become stronger if we invest in and support women-led businesses and create female networks. Old boy’s clubs—the flawed and exclusionary system of men with similar beckgrounds supporting each other—have known this forever. It’s about time we create a much more open and inclusive female equivalent.

3. Step into your power. Be confident. Create boundaries. Know your worth. Stop apologizing. Don’t over-explain yourself. Realize that being liked isn’t the goal—being true to yourself is.

4. Support other women. Celebrate other women’s wins, because you know that their success doesn’t take anything away from you. There is enough for all of us. Share knowledge and opportunities with each other. Know that by empowering other women, you empower yourself.

We can’t fight the patriarchy by using its own tools of aggression and oppression. Men are coached from earliest childhood in these traits—women can’t compete with that.

But we can dismantle it by leaning into our feminine power. Instead of exerting control, we create community. We prioritize flow over force, rest over productivity, collaboration over competition.
We don’t fight for power—we reclaim what has always been ours.

And when the patriarchy collapses, we will already thrive in the system we’re creating right here and now: a more peaceful, just, and sustainable way of life.

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Essay inspired and informed by Gina Luker’s work.