Give yourself the gift of stressing less
The holiday season is upon us, and while it may once upon a time have been "the most wonderful time of the year", we all know that it has long since transformed into "the busiest time of the year". We need more time, more gifts, more money to buy said gifts, and the omnipresence of advent calendars and those damned Christmas countdowns serves as a permanent reminder that we are running behind.
After all, we still have jobs to work, houses to run, kids to carpool, spouses and ourselves to look after, and there really is no time to worry about whether we should buy gifts for our co-workers, and trying to remember every person who gave us a surprise gift last year. How was I supposed to know that my husband's friend's wife (whom I barely know) would sew me a tablecloth? (Mental note: I have to remember to get her something this year.)
Then there are Christmas cards to write, or better yet, to have a family photo shoot to send out personalized cards. There are extravagant meals to plan, party outfits to buy, secret Santas to shop for, and creative ways to think of about how to cleverly display the added burden on parents' shoulders, that damned Elf on the Shelf.
Blended families have the complicated task of figuring out who is going to who's house when, and should we invite the ex, and what about the brand-new girlfriend?
It's a lot. And if you're feeling overwhelmed or have already cried three times and it's only December 2nd, it's understandable. Take a deep breath. And then start deleting items from your endless to-do-list.
There is a well-known travel hack that you can use for your Christmas to-do list this year. It's about packing light, which is something many of us struggle with, and the tip is this: lay out all the clothes you intend to bring, and then get rid of half. I have done it, and trust me, it works. And even though I get rid of half, I still bring home at least a couple of shirts I didn't wear after every.single.trip.
Do the same with your to-do list this year. The pressure to have a "perfect" (oh how I hate that word) Christmas is huge, but it's also self-imposed. Just because every ad on TV is trying to brainwash you into having to do it all doesn't mean you have to.
You don't like baking? Then don't do it. There are plenty of delicious goodies to buy, plus you won't be able to escape some home-made baking even if you want to - people love to share their homemade treats.
You hate writing Christmas cards? I hear ya. I quit sending out Christmas cards about 7 years ago, because I got really stressed out about writing something personal for every person. When I found out from friends that many of them throw out the cards with the discarded wrapping paper I was done. Why go through all that stress when they end up in a landfill two weeks later? Now I send a Christmas-email every year and call it a day.
Don't enjoy parties? Skip 'em. There is no law that you have to attend the office party or your neighbour's open house if you don't want to.
Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of having to turn your home into a Christmas wonderland? You don't have to. You can be as extravagant or keep it as simple as you choose. And you know what else? You don't even have to have a Christmas tree if you don't want to. Your life, your rules! Do as much or as little as you want.
Buying gifts is a nightmare and makes your wallet weep? Cut down drastically. This is a sensitive subject, but hear me out. We all know that the consumerism surrounding Christmas is out of control. We also know (probably from own painful experience) that it's a serious burden on our wallets. I strongly believe that it's our choice to decided how much/if anything we want to spend on Christmas. We don't have an obligation to get ourselves in debt just because our society makes us feel like we should buy ourselves a magical experience.
If you enjoy gift giving, by all means, do it!
But if you get anxiety about finding the right gift, remember: you are the hero of your life, and you can decide how you want to run it.
For the majority of our marriage, Christmas was the most difficult time of the year for us. I had all these expectations about how I wanted it to be perfect and magical, and my husband was on the opposite side of the spectrum: he didn't really care much about any of it. Every year without fail I would dissolve in tears, accusing him of not loving me enough because he didn't fulfill my expectations. He would get frustrated that I was buying so completely into all the hype, and we would have horrible holidays.
Something needed to change. So we decided a few years back that we wouldn't do gifts anymore for each other - and you know what? That simple decision has made a world of difference. Gone are his stress about what to buy for me (often resulting in giving up and not buying anything at all) and my crushed expectations.
Nowadays I'm doing the things I enjoy about Christmas - decorating a tree, baking cookies, buying a small thoughtful gift for just a handful of people, cooking a turkey for Christmas - and skip the rest.
It saved my sanity and brought back the joy about the season I had lost by trying to do it all.
You can do the same! Look at your list, and take off everything that's too much and stressing you out. You don't have to do it all!
I wish you a stress-free and happy December!
xoxo Miriam
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Vol. 61