It's okay to be messed up
Do you ever feel like a total loser? Like someone who should be, well, just better?
You should eat healthier.
You should work out more.
You should be more organized, less messy, more productive, waste less time, be more focused on your goals, watch less TV, have better hair and less dust in your home.
I have this voice in my head all.the.fucking.time.
It doesn't matter how much I get accomplished, the voice always tells me that I could be more, better, faster.
It's tiring.
And it's also a fucking lie.
We think we are competing with the world, but we are really competing with ourselves. With our own insecurities. With the picture in our head of how we think we should be. But who put this picture in our head in the first place?
We did.
We may believe that our parents/friends/society/social media put them into our heads, but that's only partly true. We are being bombarded with thousands of images and ideas every day, and we choose what we take on. It's us who decide what to believe.
And that tape that plays in your head on a loop and drives you insane? It's one you put on. Which may, at first, be infuriating, but is really excellent news. Because you know what? It's in your power to change it.
I came across the following post on Instagram a while ago, and it was an eye opener:
How often have you felt powerless? How often did you blame your upbringing/lack of talent/age/education/relationship/circumstances for your current I situation?
I've done it literally thousands of times.
But the thing is: It's in our power to change that. We have control over how we want to feel.
For some unknown, completely idiotic reason, I have set myself standards that are impossible to achieve. And when I, predictably, failed to achieve them, I berated myself in the worst.way.possible.
I thought if I'm just hard enough on myself, I would eventually get better. I would work harder, be more perfect, mess up less.
But all this time, I missed what was right in front of me.
The easiest solution was right there, within me, just waiting for me to discover it. Begging me to finally find it.
It took me a ridiculously long time to figure it out.
The solution isn't to force yourself to be someone else.
The solution is to change the tape in your head.
I haven't worked out in weeks.
I haven't blogged in over a week.
It took me 3(!!!) weeks to figure out that all I needed to connect my beloved desktop computer to the Internet was a cable I could buy for less than $10 at a store in town.
I have been procrastinating on getting a decent haircut, starting my next book, and being the social media-savvy person all those "grow-your-business!"-articles tell me I have to be.
I've felt shitty about myself for not being/doing any of those things.
But today it occurred to me: Who's asking me to be that? Nobody but me. And if I stop asking that - well, then everything is good, isn't it?
So, I sat down this afternoon after work (yes, I work! *gives herself pat on shoulder*), and wrote down a few of the things I've done lately that I'm proud of:
Hosted 5 different guests over the last 5 days.
Cleaned the house 3 times for said guests.
Cooked 4 meals (one of them an elaborate turkey-dinner).
Had a photo shoot to get a decent author photo for my book. (And I got it! Revealing it on the blog as soon as I get my shit together. *
*(It's anyone's guess when that might be. Sorry guys.)
Approved the cover of my book. (!!!)
Finished the author bio and description of my book. (!!!)
Fed the horses, sheep, goats and cows approximately 1 gazillion times.
Worked.
Had 2 job interviews in the last 2 weeks (still waiting for results).
Cleaned up one of our house guest's puke off the couch. (A definite low moment.)
Did laundry, ironed laundry, put laundry away, stacked the dishwasher, emptied the dishwasher, shopped for groceries, cooked meals (I already said that, but it's worth repeating).
Went for 2 walks, never went to work dirty, did my make-up twice in 2 weeks (a record!).
And then there's the stuff we never give ourselves enough credit for:
Didn't yell at that annoying person at work.
Took my multi-vitamin every day last week.
Flossed 5 out of 7 nights.
Got at least 6 hours of sleep every night.
Didn't yell at the house guest for puking on the couch. (My bravest accomplishment.)
Currently caring for a man who's had "a sore knee" for the past 2 weeks. (This is my bravest accomplishment.)
I'm fucking superwoman.
And so are you! We do so much every day - sit yourself down and start writing a list, you will be amazed!
You are incredible.
Lots of love, super-women! We are all amazing.
xo Miriam
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Vol. 37