Life is short, don't settle
Last week I drove home from work, when I saw our friend fixing her fence. She and her husband live by the entrance of the large subdivision we live in; you could say that their house is a gatehouse of sorts.
The word 'subdivision' is used loosely in this context: The individual lots range in size from a minimum of 10 acres to a maximum of 160 acres.
I stopped for a chat.
After about 5 minutes, a car came by and stopped; other neighbours from the subdivision said hi, and the lady invited me to go on a hike with her and the resident iron man (a guy in his 80s, who's the fittest person any of us know). I cheerfully accepted.
Speak of the devil: Wouldn't you know it, but the resident iron man passed us not even 2 minutes after they left, extending the same invitation. We all talked for a few more minutes, and then they continued on their way.
This may seem like a small occurrence, barely worth mentioning. Neighbours talking with each other? Big fricking deal.
Well - to me, it is a big deal. Huge.
Not only have I never had the experience of being on friendly, bordering on friendship-ish terms with so many neighbours - I never wanted to. But now? I do.
Why?
Because they're all seniors.
Yes, at 37 years of age, I live in a retirement community. And I love it.
It's not an official retirement community. From what I've been told, there are a few families with young kids living here as well. But the vast majority (I'd say about 90%) are retirees.
If you would have told me that a year ago, I would have never believed you.
There is something carefree about it. Some days I have the distinct sense of living in a holiday resort, a la the Catskills resort in 'Dirty Dancing'. People play ball together, have drinks on their patios together, or invite you to go for hikes with them. It's awesome.
I've always enjoyed hanging out with older people (which is a good thing, given that my husband is 63), because generally, they are more relaxed. Life is less stressful, and many of the older people I know have a great appreciation for the special little moments of every day.
I'm hyper-aware of the fleetingness of life. In part it's due to my job in a hospital; but in larger parts, it's because I choose to spend my life with someone who is 25 years older than me. It has increased my awareness of the preciousness of life. And not only that - about how easy it is to fall into a trap and end up in a life that makes one unhappy: By staying with the wrong partner, or not coming to terms with one's sexuality, or by never giving one's big dream a shot.
I had a friend who was gay, but never came out of the closet. He drank himself to death before his 65th birthday.
I know another man who is in his early 60s, with the restlessness of a caged animal. He used to live on a houseboat, travelled all over the world, and then married and became a father late in life. He is close to retirement - and itching for new adventures. Living in South America for a while is his dream, and living in suburbia is making him stabby. But all his friends tell him what a great life he has, how fortunate he is, and how grateful he should be. What will he do? I very much hope he will go for his dream.
There is the couple who retired in their late 60s, sold their successful business and moved into an elegant condo with a stunning view, just like everybody told them to. They went on several cruises, and then they were bored to tears. After 2 years in the condo, they sold it and bought 5 acres in the country, despite the protests of their children and friends. They started a miniature version of their original business, growing plants, making beautiful flower arrangements, and selling them. At the age of 96, his wife bought him a little dog, so "he won't be alone when I die before him".
He celebrated his 100th birthday recently, happy as a clam with his wife, his little dog and his plants.
We have seen so many unhappy relationships. You have, too.
It's not obvious at first; people are good at hiding it. But the longer you know someone, the more the protective barriers fall away, and the more you see the truth.
It breaks my heart.
People have all sorts of reasons to stay together, and some are good ones. There are rough patches in all relationships, and we should fight for what's important to us, and not give up at the first sign of difficulty.
But if it crashes your soul? If it destroys your spirit? If you have stopped dreaming, and the future looks bleak?
Is it worth it?
A few years ago, we had a discussion at work about a man who filed for divorce at the age of 85.
Most couldn't understand it. "Why would he do it at that age?" was the common consensus.
I kept quiet, but I thought I understood: Maybe he was done with living a lie. Maybe he had run out of excuses for staying in an unhappy relationship.
Maybe he didn't want to settle any more.
Life is damn short. I'd rather look back on mistakes I made, instead of regretting things I didn't do.
Let's succeed, fail, rise, fall, stumble, and get back up again. Let's try new things, be daring, face fear, do it despite the fear.
It will all be over before we know it. Our time is now.
Have a kickass week!
xoxo Miriam
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Vol. 15