It’s 11:15pm.
Work calls me to come in to x-ray a patient. I throw on my scrubs, run a brush through my hair, grab the dogs, and head out of the house in two minutes flat, having long perfected the process. On the way into town I see deer everywhere, grazing next to the road, turning away from my headlights, jumping effortlessly over a fence.
It’s a clear, starry night, cool but not cold, and I have my window open to let the fresh air in. As I’m heading up the hill I see the lights of the town twinkle beneath me, looking cozy and peaceful. It gives me a warm, happy feeling in my belly.
Once I’m at the hospital I go and get the patient from the emergency room. I x-ray him and then bring him back. He’s the only one who needs attention at the moment; everybody else is tucked in for the night, and the waiting room is empty. As the doctor goes to treat the patient I chat with the nurses for a while.
We’re talking about the day and then get to the topic of how many patients with addiction issues we see on a daily basis, people coming in high or drunk, hallucinating, terrified, or aggressive. There has been a sharp increase in patients with mental health issues, which is often the underlying cause of drug- and alcohol abuse.
I mention that I didn’t know until I started working here six years ago that alcohol withdrawal can be deadly.
This piece of information completely blew my mind; I’d had no idea. When the doctor, who has since returned from the patient’s bedside, looks at me in surprise, I assure him that many people don’t know that.
”I always thought opioid addiction is the worst of all addictions,” I say.
“It’s unpleasant to withdraw from opioids, but it’s generally not life-threatening,” they tell me. “Alcohol withdrawal can be. ”
They tell me of patients who are being brought in with seizures, delirium tremens, and such acute confusion that they don’t know where they are or even who they are. Sometimes, family members have no idea that their loved ones are physically addicted, because they hold down jobs, they seem fine, and even if they drink a bit much, everybody drinks, and surely it’s not that bad?
Seeing their parent/sibling/child sweating and vomiting, trembling all over, moaning in pain and not recognizing them is a terrible way to find out how bad alcohol is.
Witnessing the effects of alcohol on a regular basis played a large role in my decision to quit. You can’t be around it all the time and not wonder if that could be your future one day. Before I worked in healthcare I was unaware of how common alcohol use disorder is - it’s much more common than people think. I can guarantee you that you know many people who are grey area drinkers, their drinking somewhere on the sliding spectrum between almost never to problematic.
While we’ve been talking somebody dimmed the lights, to help patients sleep. It’s midnight, we’re all sitting together companionably, discussing this serious issue, but so far we’ve talked about it purely in a professional capacity, from one healthcare provider to another.
And then it happens.
“I quit drinking several years ago,” one nurse says unexpectedly. “It was becoming a problem.”
“I did, too!” I say in amazement. “Almost two years ago. And, same.” And then we talk in complete honesty for half an hour, four people who like and respect each other but usually don’t confide intimate details to one another.
It feels like we exist in a little bubble suspended in time. It’s so rare to have quiet time like this at work, sitting together without interruptions, without the phone or doorbell or call bell or anything else ringing, with nothing demanding immediate attention or pulling at least one or two people away to get on with work.
It’s a perfect, sacred half hour of connection, of witnessing vulnerability being transformed into strength and love.
Every time I think about it, it makes me smile. I’ll carry the memory with me like a talisman, as a reminder of what’s possible when people are open and honest with each other.
Magic can be found anywhere - even at midnight in the emergency room.
🧡 Miriam
I wrote a book about my personal experience with grey area drinking. You can order it here.
Wow. What a magical gift of a night for you! It’s always so amazing to connect so deeply with others in such a special and unexpected way! 💫
Magic really is everywhere! And I think the less we use numbing agents, like pills, alcohol, drugs, the clearer the picture become. Great post!