Perimenopause diaries

Part 1: Where do all the bruises come from?

Know someone who’s going through ‘the change’? Forward them this letter to cheer them up.

Just when you think you’ve left mystery bruises behind - which happened exactly at the same time I quit drinking, what a coincidence - think again. The mystery bruises are back, and I have no idea where they come from.

After Googling symptoms of leukemia (I have none except for the bruises) and talking my doctor into ordering a blood test “just to make sure everything looks alright” (it came back normal) I’ve now narrowed it down to the most likely culprit: perimenopause.

At 43, I’m right on schedule. My periods, however, are not. After decades of a 28-day cycle that ran as reliably as a Swiss clock, my periods have now become as moody and unpredictable as a teenager. They happen more frequently, are longer, and the blood loss is shocking. I’ve never been a fan of slasher movies, but if I was, I’d be in heaven right now. Since I’m not, I’m alarmed and dismayed, and I’m also reliving my teenage years when you never knew when Aunt Flo may show up, and needed to carry emergency pads and an extra sweater, to be tied around your waist in case of unexpected leakages.

But back to the bruises. I’m currently experiencing brain fog, forgetfulness, and a tendency to walk into a room without knowing why - what I imagine baby brain to feel like. Or the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease, which is a fun game to play when your tendency to overthink keeps asking urgently “are you sure it’s not early-onset Alzheimers? Are you sure? It could be, you know? Better Google it again, and then worry about it all night.”

To preserve my sanity (what’s left of it anyway) I’ve self-diagnosed with having perimenopause brain, and let me tell you, it’s oddly familiar.
Walking into things without remembering it the next day, unexplained bruises, a sluggish brain, memory problems - why, it feels like I’m back in my drinking days! Minus the heavy head, through-the-roof anxiety, and damage to my vital organs. All my years of putting myself through feeling like this voluntarily finally come in handy.

Perimenopause brain feels like a hangover, but better. I can handle some brain fog without the existential crisis attached to it, no problem. The years of overdrinking have prepared me well for this new phase of my life, and now the training is paying off.

Joking aside, I am deeply grateful that I’m not adding regular hangovers to my already foggy brain or an extra dose of anxiety to my hormone-induced mood changes. I’m also greatly looking forward to a time without the monthly blood letting, and the best news of all: my PMDD symptoms are subsiding!
The rage is decreasing, and that’s reason to celebrate for everyone around me, particularly my husband. I’ll take some bruises in exchange for getting that monkey off my back.

Still, perimenopause is a ride, and I’m intending to take you along with me. It’s not a subject that’s widely talked about, but it should be: it’s fascinating, life-changing, and it comes with a bag full of surprises. Like the eternal question: why is my hip/foot/back hurting? Is it age? Is it an injury? Is it perimenopause? Nobody knows, and that’s the fun of it.

I’m off on my double-heeler powered hike now, to prevent yet another fun side effect of perimenopause: bone loss.

Have a fog- and painfree week, my lovelies! One of us should, and it won’t be me.

❤️ Miriam