Some days I do all the things. Other days I do zero.*
Are you feeling it too? The weight of winter combined with the never-ending pandemic combined with dire news stories combined with the feeling that we are stuck in this half-life forever? Yeah, me too.
For the last week I've spent hours on the couch every day, reading one book after another to escape reality. I read The Truth about Melody Browne by Lisa Jewell, The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah, and I'm about to finish Fly Away by Kristin Hannah, the follow-up story to Firefly Lane (which is on Netflix and is wonderful!).
I couldn't put the first one down, loved the second one (even though it's not exactly a happy story), but the third one is only so-so for me. Still, after having just finished watching the show (and I read the first book, obviously - I read everything by Kristin Hannah, I love her!), it's neat to see how the story continues. But it's also not a happy story, even though it looks like it may come to a somewhat happy end? I hope so.
When I'm not reading, I'm puzzling. Or doing puzzles. What's the correct phrase? I don't know, because stringing words together is hard.
I've had several zero days in a row. It's quite pleasant: I put my PJs and thick socks on as soon as I get home, snuggle up on the couch under a blanket with 1-3 dogs draped around me, and then I read. And read, and read, and read. Some days I will interrupt the reading with a little nap or some puzzling, and the other day I even baked a cake. But mostly, I've been doing very little apart from the absolute necessities.
The old me would have felt horribly guilty about not ~achieving~ more. About not being more active, productive, imaginative, seductive - you know, all the -tive words we are supposed to strive for every single day.
But we don't do that anymore, right?!?! Right.
If we need to hibernate, we hibernate. We don't feel guilty, we don't try to force our body and mind into doing something they forcefully resist, and we don't listen to any to-do-lists - most importantly, not our own.
We are about to hit the 1-year anniversary of the pandemic, and what a terrible anniversary it is.
I've been feeling the weight of it extra-hard lately, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. So if we need an extra-dose of zero days, we take them, okay?
Here's the thing: they won't last. I guarantee it. After several days of lying motionless for hours, you will feel the urge to get up. It may be because you feel rested, bored, or simply fed up with not doing anything. Whatever the reason, you will feel more alive again, and your to-do list will still be there where you left it.
Don't forget to be gentle with yourself. These are strange and uncertain times. Don't feel bad if you set yourself goals that may have been more accessible in normal times, but that seem impossible to achieve right now. These are not normal times. We just do what we can, however little it may be. It's enough.
*The subject line of this email is copied/stolen straight from The Daily Tay's Insta-story from yesterday, because I've never related to anything more. By the way, I highly recommend Taylor's Instagram stories, they are amongst my highlights that make every day either more enjoyable or bearable (depending on the day).
If you find this letter useful, feel free to forward it to someone else who might enjoy it.
Vol. 73