Things that are none of my business

An incomplete list

Page views
Social media likes
Newsletter open rate
What you think of me
My mother’s approval
The mistakes I made at 20
Your Botox injections
My wrinkles
Bodies changing - yours, and mine
How many cups of coffee I had today
What I google at midnight
How you raise your children
Instagram’s algorithm
The mistakes I made at 30
Substack’s new algorithm
How the company I work for is run
If you like my writing
If my boss likes me
The mistakes I made at 40
Outside validation
Being a well-behaved woman
Trending
Being age-appropriate
Hustling
Numbers
The mistakes I am yet to make

I saw Elise post a list like this a couple of weeks ago, and the concept shook me awake in a way that was completely unexpected. You see, writers are deeply insecure people desperate for validation, and if you were raised a people pleaser who was reprimanded whenever she didn’t serve other people, you’re at the whim and mercy of other people’s opinion. Let me tell you, it’s a bleak way to live.
I’ve been a slave to outside validation for most of my life, which crushes one’s spirit. It’s also a waste of time. We have little to no control over what other people think of us, and the energy we waste on worrying about it could be used better for literally anything else.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what is and isn’t my business. Over the years I’ve worried a lot if I need to “grow my audience” (aka social media following) to be taken seriously as an author. I enjoy being on Instagram, but I don’t enjoy having to worry about the algorithm, the correct hashtags, finding out what’s trending and adjusting accordingly, playing the game of “comment on ten new accounts an hour to grow your following!” It’s a lot of work that I have no interest in. I want to post for fun, whatever and whenever I feel like it, even if it’s at the “wrong” time.

I decided that I don’t want to waste precious time and energy on worrying about people liking me. So - I don’t. I stopped worrying about it. Instead I focus on the things that give me joy and make me excited to wake up every day: my work. Few things give me greater joy than writing in bed for an hour before I start my day, drinking too many cups of coffee and having the dogs all sprawled out around me. Writing makes me feel alive, and it’s much more enjoyable now that I stopped agonizing about what people might think about it when they read it.

I want to grow as a writer, a woman, and a human being.
That’s what I choose to pour my energy and soul into.
Everything else is none of my business.

🧡 Miriam