We are enough
Do you feel that strange vibe too? People are quitting, breaking up, shifting, restarting, being restless. I don't know what's going on, but I find this to be a very strange month.
I'm also in a weird mood. I guess the best word to describe my current state is WAITING.
I'm waiting for winter to be over.
I'm waiting for Rich to be healthy again.
I'm waiting for my book to be out.
I'm waiting to get my breath back - I've been having trouble with my lungs for weeks, getting short of breath very easily and coughing up all sorts of stuff that should never see the light of day.
I'm waiting to be able to do stuff: organize our place more, start building my she shed, visit out-of-town friends again. With Rich being sick and the roads being snowy and icy, I feel like I'm on house arrest, and it's driving me crazy. This January is hard, and I can't wait for it to be over.
But! There are great moments happening too, of course!
We had a fresh dump of snow yesterday, and when I came home from work, our (very long) driveway was plowed! I thought it was courtesy of our next-door neighbours, but when I asked them, they told me it wasn't them. So, a mystery stranger kindly plowed our driveway!? I have no idea who it was, and Rich doesn't either, because he was in the barn when the kind stranger did it. Whoever you are, thank you!
People are incredible.
My corgi Lily is very overweight (all the chicken food and eggs she's eating are taking their toll), so I'm making an effort to walk her every day. On days when I'm working it's difficult, but for the most part, I'm successful. I have to admit that I wouldn't make it out half the time if it wasn't for her, because I'm in the grip of relentless low energy. It's pretty unusual for me, but for now I'm blaming it on the January blues.
The good news is that once I'm out, I always enjoy it! The snow may be a nuisance, but it sure looks pretty.
I'm also happy to report that Rich's illness has done wonders for our relationship. We haven't had any of our little spats in months, and feel closer than ever. Talk about a silver lining! I may still be annoyingly impatient (which makes this waiting period pretty awful), but when it comes to him, I am patient. We celebrate every little improvement, and I'm content giving his healing as much time as it needs (well, mostly - I'm only human ;-)).
In an effort to distract myself, I've been reading lots, and I'm particularly enjoying non-fiction from strong female authors. I just finished Lots of candles, plenty of cake by Anna Quindlen (thanks again for the recommendation Amy!), which was a wonderful memoir about a woman's life. It covers everything from how confused we are in our teens and twenties, to motherhood, to aging and death, and it's uplifting, insightful, and wise.
And now I'm reading Daring Greatly by the incomparable Brene Brown, and omg guys, you have to read it. It's all about how embracing our vulnerability will make us stronger, and isn't that what I just wrote about 2 newsletters ago?! I feel like the universe is telling me that I'm on the right track.
This book is one that you have to read with a highlighter in hand (at least that's what I'm doing), because there are so many pieces of wisdom in it.
Like this:
"Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional."
Or this:
"When we spend our lives waiting until we're perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make."
This is a particularly good one:
"Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen."
And these are quotes from the second page. Way to start out strong! It keeps on like that, and honestly, this book is life-changing. If you want the synopsis of her book, watch Brene's Ted Talk on the subject of vulnerability: The power of vulnerability. Brene is funny and relatable and a great speaker, you won't regret watching this inspiring video!
What women like Brene Brown, Anna Quindlen, Anne Lamott, Elizabeth Gilbert, and many others try to teach us is this: We are enough.
We are imperfect, flawed, full of contradictions and doubt and fear, and yet - we are enough.
We are good enough.
We are worthy enough.
We are loveable enough.
We don't have to achieve anything in order to become enough - we already are.
If the purpose of this weird struggle I'm undergoing right now is to teach me this important lesson - well, than it's worth it.
I wish you all love, peace, happiness, and the knowledge that you are enough just the way you are.
Happy Sunday my loves!
xoxo Miriam
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Vol. 44