We need difficult times to propel us forward
I talked to my sister yesterday, who's having the November blahs. Winter in Germany is a grey, cold, and dreary affair, and she does what I do when I need a little escape from reality: she daydreams.
After being on vacation in Denmark recently, her latest dream is moving to Copenhagen in a few years, where the ocean is close, the light is different, and the people are friendly.
We spent a lovely hour picturing the house she would live in, and how we would cycle everywhere in the city during my regular visits.
Will she really make that move? We will have to wait and see. But it got me thinking about what motivates us to change our life in a big way.
I believe that as long as we are fairly comfortable, we will stay where we are. Change is hard and painful, and we need powerful motivation to start something that will be difficult.
And there is nothing wrong with being comfortable. Isn't that what we want? To be happy and content? To have that is wonderful.
It only becomes a problem when it stands in the way of achieving our goals.
Nothing is a bigger obstacle to living the life we dream about than being comfortable.
Two years ago, I had the best summer of my life.
My husband and I raised a pet together; I was in the honeymoon-phase of my yoga obsession, which resulted in me being the trimmest and ton-est of my life; the sun didn't stop shining for a solid 3 months; we felt and behaved like newlyweds, going on regular dates and spontaneous little trips.
I was so happy and content, I thought I could live like this for the rest of my life.
And yet.
During walks, quiet moments in the hammock, or just before falling asleep at night, I couldn't help but feel a nagging inside. Is this all there is to life? a persistent voice would whisper inside my head. What about your other goals?
I tried to ignore the voice. I felt guilty for still wanting more, when I already had so much. But whenever I applied my favourite tool for judging if I was on track - picturing myself in 40 years, sitting in a rocking chair and looking back on my life - I knew that my current life wasn't enough.
And then, everything changed.
2016 arrived, and it was off to a bad start. Rich and I both had some problems at work.
Then, in quick succession, two of our guardian dogs died. One was expected, she was old; but the other one happened suddenly. I was heartbroken. Their passing had other dire consequences: One morning Richard went out to feed his birds, when, to his horror, he discovered a massacre. At least 60 of his young chickens had been killed by coyotes. With our two main guardian dogs gone, nobody was protecting the birds, and it seemed that the coyotes had developed a killing frenzy and killed as many as they could.
We had one of the wettest winters and springs in history, transforming our place into a mud bath, which made chores a miserable experience.
While living through this series of difficulties was tough at the time, it had an important side-effect: It made us sit down and re-examine our options. The plans we had for the future - living a simpler life in a place where it rarely rained, where Rich could dedicate all his time to the farm and I could write - suddenly didn't seem so out of reach any more.
If not now, would we ever do it? What was really keeping us in our current stage, apart from our own fears?
One thing was for certain: We weren't comfortable any more. And that was the best thing that could have happened to us.
It propelled us into action to finally tackle our goals: to move to a place that suited us better.
The second part of 2016 was dedicated to that goal, and last Wednesday we celebrated our one-year anniversary in our new home.
If you are going through a rough time right now, please know that you will benefit from it. Tough times are great (if uncomfortable) teachers, and we learn much more from them then we do when life is easy and smooth.
And who knows? It may just be the kick in the pants you need to finally get started on your big goals!
You can totally do this.
xoxo Miriam
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Vol. 39