Why I don't plan anymore

Turns out, trusting my intuition has served me well all my life✨

I used to think I’m a planner. I’m a list-maker, an enthusiastic crossing-offer of completed tasks, a manifestation board maker. I love to dream of my dream life, and to visualize my future in the brightest technicolour.
I like routine, to plan my day, and to know what I’m going to do in the forseeable future. Shouldn’t that make me a planner?

Novel writers are often divided into two broad categories: planners, who make detailed outlines before they start writing, and pantsers, writers who don’t plan ahead and fly by the seat of their pants. As far as I know, writing coaches and “serious” writers recommend the planning approach, which may be time-consuming in the beginning, but makes the actual writing and editing easier afterwards.

I, however, am more of a pantser. While I am making a rough outline of the plot and get to know my characters before I start, many details of the story reveal themselves to me as I’m writing it. So far I’ve found it impossible to outline the entire plot before I start—I wait for the characters and the story to lead me there. They take on a life of their own throughout the writing process, and finding out where they’re taking you is part of the magic of writing✨

With the realization that my writing approach is less planning and more going with the flow, I decided to take a closer look at some of my major life events and how I got there.
And guess what? Turns out, making lists and planning your life are not the same thing.

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I deeply envied the kids who knew from a young age what they wanted to become, because I had no idea. I decided on my first career choice—forestry—because you could bring your dog to work, and any job where you could have your dog by your side was a good job, surely? When that didn’t work out (shocker), I stumbled into hospitality next, my reasoning being that I spoke two languages—that was it, really. When that didn’t work out I finally did what I do best, which was make a list, and that’s how I ended up in my current job in x-ray, which I have stuck with for 15 years (and counting). Lists for the win!

I grew up in one country and ended up living in another half a world away, without much planning on my end. All I did was go on vacation to a place I felt drawn to, and follow my heart after that. Had I planned it? Not at all. Was it the best thing I ever did? Hell, yes.

At the beginning of 2016 we had no plans of moving whatsoever, and we didn’t even entertain that idea until we were halfway through the year. Once we decided that we wanted to sell, we had no idea where we would move to. We put our house on the market and started searching. Within seven weeks we found a new town and a new home, and by the end of 2016 I had quit my job and we moved. I didn’t have a job lined up and we barely knew anyone, but it felt right. Our instincts didn’t betray us; we have never felt more at home than in our little cowboy town.

In 2018 I did something completely out of character: I decided to take a job for a year that required me to live away from home for a week at a time, 50% of the year. I barely knew why I was doing it at the time, but something deep inside me urged me to go for it. I listened. I was still reeling from my husband’s long illness and slow recovery, and I had become concerned about my increased wine consumption. Taking that job would mean no drinking for a week at a time, and I instinctively knew that I needed that. It was a beautiful, difficult, necessary year, and it planted the seed for my later sobriety.

Between 2019 and 2022 I worked in six different hospitals. I didn’t seek them out; I simply said yes whenever I was asked to go somewhere new to work. I hadn’t learned about boundaries yet and my body stepped in several times and knocked me out when I was overdoing it (back spasms, seized up neck, severe abdominal cramping, colds), forcing me to stay in bed and resting. It wasn’t sustainable, but I learned a lot during that time. I met interesting people, made friends, and intimately got to know several small towns. All that time spent in the car by myself started me on the healing journey I have been on for several years now, and helped me to finally be at ease with my own thoughts and my own company.

In March of 2022 we bought a plot of land as an investment. It had nothing on it but trees. We had no plans for it, vaguely thinking that we may let the cows graze on it. A couple of months later, on a gorgeous spring day, we walked over it, enchanted by its beauty. “Could you imagine living here?” I said to my husband. “How peaceful it would be?”
The idea stuck. We started the paperwork, drilled a well, fenced the entire property, did more paperwork, built a driveway, cleared away trees, ordered a house. If all goes well, we will be moving next spring.

In 2022, weeks after having quit drinking, I started work on a book that intimately chronicles my history with mental illness and self-medication with alcohol. It’s the most personal and vulnerable book I’ve ever written, but I never doubted that I would finish and publish it. It simply felt right. That book found its way into the hands of Samantha, which led me from her podcast to a life-changing trip to Costa Rica earlier this year. I couldn’t have planned any of this if I tried.

Obviously, I do make plans. I’m saving for retirement, I have my massages prebooked two years ahead of time, I exercise and get my screening tests done on time. I’m doing my best to prepare for a long and healthy life.

But I’m open to the plot twists life offers. There are certain things we can’t plan for, because we have no idea that they are possible. Some of the best things in my life were things I couldn’t imagine beforehand. I had to take a leap and trust my gut and my higher power, trust that they knew more than I did. And honestly? They have never led me wrong. Sure, some roads lead nowhere or are detours, but every wrong turn has led me to something greater than I could have imagined.

If you stay open to life’s opportunities, anything is possible. Not all surprises are good ones; we all experience hardship and pain. But looking back at my own life so far, every low point of my life has led me to something bigger and better than I could imagine at the time. If you’re walking through darkness right now, keep walking; you will reach the light again.

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