I love this essay so much! Thank you for writing it. And I'm so glad you wrote that open letter and were able to move on from that. People only push until they meet resistance, and until they think they will be exposed. We have had many dark family secrets and that's one thing I have always done with my kids (and to the shock of their wives, but they are getting used to it): no secrets. See something, say something. It needs to start at home, and you expand from there.
I am so excited for what comes next for you, and in awe of the work you have done in the last years. ❤️
My family is a master at hiding, pretending, blaming, telling you it's your fault. I'm still unlearning this deep-seated programming, and it will be a while before I can distance myself from it. Writing everything down and looking at it from a diferent angle is the only way how I can do that, so it's a slow process.
I've never been a big fan of the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but it's fitting in this case. The experience has made me stronger, and it brought us ultimately to where we are now. But yikes, it was fucking rough!
How timely your piece is! My therapist just asked me to write a similar list this week. We share a couple similar goals: feel safe, get help, process trauma and accept my authentic self. I like the idea of making goals this way, even though I never thought of it before. It takes the focus off of things I need to get done or milestones I’m “supposed” to accomplish (and feeling like a failure for not being there). Making a list this way feels more intuitive, like there’s space to find what feels right and there isn’t one way to achieve each goal.
Well put, Sydney! That list has served as a compass of sorts, a way to figure out where to put my focus and energy. It's been incredibly helpful. Before that, I was living pretty aimlessly for a while, letting life and its challenges bang me around without attempting to take over the wheel.
I love this essay so much! Thank you for writing it. And I'm so glad you wrote that open letter and were able to move on from that. People only push until they meet resistance, and until they think they will be exposed. We have had many dark family secrets and that's one thing I have always done with my kids (and to the shock of their wives, but they are getting used to it): no secrets. See something, say something. It needs to start at home, and you expand from there.
I am so excited for what comes next for you, and in awe of the work you have done in the last years. ❤️
My family is a master at hiding, pretending, blaming, telling you it's your fault. I'm still unlearning this deep-seated programming, and it will be a while before I can distance myself from it. Writing everything down and looking at it from a diferent angle is the only way how I can do that, so it's a slow process.
I've never been a big fan of the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but it's fitting in this case. The experience has made me stronger, and it brought us ultimately to where we are now. But yikes, it was fucking rough!
How timely your piece is! My therapist just asked me to write a similar list this week. We share a couple similar goals: feel safe, get help, process trauma and accept my authentic self. I like the idea of making goals this way, even though I never thought of it before. It takes the focus off of things I need to get done or milestones I’m “supposed” to accomplish (and feeling like a failure for not being there). Making a list this way feels more intuitive, like there’s space to find what feels right and there isn’t one way to achieve each goal.
Well put, Sydney! That list has served as a compass of sorts, a way to figure out where to put my focus and energy. It's been incredibly helpful. Before that, I was living pretty aimlessly for a while, letting life and its challenges bang me around without attempting to take over the wheel.